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Home HEALTH Ask Amy: Atheist wants an honest way to skip religious activities

Ask Amy: Atheist wants an honest way to skip religious activities

dear Amy: I’m an atheist. I believe in practicing kindness and respect for the opinions of others.

In recent years, I have been working on being more honest about religious activities that I would rather not attend. (These ceremonies make me very uncomfortable.)

I used to tell lies to preserve the feelings of the people I love when I did not want to attend a baptism or other religious event (I have also attended many and felt very uncomfortable).

Now that I am 50 years old, I want to be more honest.

A friend invited me to attend her twins’ bar mitzvah. This is a tough question.

I’m not particularly close to these twins, but the mother’s friendship means a lot to me.

I really don’t want to attend the ceremony, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings either.

Can you think of an honest but very kind way to respectfully say goodbye?

I prefer to send a gift and a thoughtful note acknowledging the milestone.

This friend is likely to ask me why I’m not going, and I’m inclined to give her a more honest answer because our friendship is (hopefully) strong and I think it would be more respectful if she knew the truth if I could. do it kindly I appreciate your input!

done: The honest and polite way to respectfully say goodbye would be to RSVP: “I’m so sorry I can’t make it, please pass on my congratulations to the twins. Now, they are men!

My point is that when you decline an invitation, you don’t need to provide a reason. It’s somewhat unusual for a host to follow up to ask, “Well, why can’t you come?”

If your friend asks you, you can say, “As you know, I’m an atheist. I do not attend religious ceremonies. I realize this may be awkward and I recognize this is extremely important in your family, but I need to decline. But I’m also very honored by the invitation.”

dear Amy: My husband and I had children later in life.

We moved closer to our family to raise our children with relatives.

Around my youngest daughter’s first birthday, my older sister started dating a man. They are a toxic concoction.

I don’t like his past, which includes multiple arrests for domestic violence and theft, and I don’t like who my sister becomes when she’s around him.

They drink and have big fights.

The holidays are coming up and I don’t want this man in my life.

However, I have a second sister who will be hosting festive events, and it will break her heart if I refuse to go if that man is present.

Should I suck it up and walk away, or stick to my conviction and celebrate the holiday with my husband and daughters?

I grew up around a violent and abusive man and witnessed the repercussions of alcoholism through my grandmother.

I don’t want my daughters to experience that trauma.

Torn: Only you can realistically assess your ability to handle the stress and anxiety that being in this man’s presence will create.

But you must also decide if you will allow him to control you and keep you away from family gatherings.

If you want to be with your family but choose to stay away because he will be there, then he has cornered you.

If you really want to stay away, definitely do it. But you could also claim to go where you want to go, and if the occasion takes a turn you don’t like, you can leave. As I often say (especially during the holidays), always keep track of your coat and keys.

Your children will not experience the trauma that you were exposed to in childhood because they have you as their mother and you will protect them. Of course you want!

dear Amy: “I can’t handle criticism” went into a tailspin when his boss pointed out minor errors.

Managers need to make workers feel good about the important work they do and not get so stressed that they make even more mistakes.

Giving praise: “I saw one very small thing out of all the great work you did…” will go a long way.

To err is human. I am the head of quality control in a high-tech company and I make a pretty good living thanks to this human trait.

—Charlie from Silicon Valley

Charlie: Wisdom of quality! Thanks.

©2022 by Amy Dickinson Distributed by Tribune Content Agency

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